Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Bad luck?

The last time I wrote here, it was morning.

Now, I am home. I was at school then, on Gmail chat with Krishu. I had begun a rant, but I cut the rant and posted it here instead. Hours have passed since and unfortunately, I hate to conclude, but most of today hasn't been particularly delightful. I want to be grateful that the day happened at all. The most liberating moments were in the classroom. The happiest moment was being able to converse with a previous classmate, Indie, on the bus.
I was fortunate enough to come home to happier parents. I can't say the same... fourty minutes later.

Bittu Uncle called, and from what I can determine, Rani Aunty (his wife) has gone to some type of college to push herself toward building employability skills. From what I'm guessing, she's acquired an education in something signficant. My father is jealous. My mother is tired. I am annoyed. Aggravation. I hate it when my father is like this. He demands that she be so many things, play so many roles and yet, it's not possible. My mother makes daily living possible for what is now a household of six members. I often delve into an all consuming depression wondering why my father fails to acknowledge the importance of my mother's role in our family. Why doesn't he ever appreciate her? Even if she were merely a housewife and didn't contribute economically, then she is still the owner of the hands that makes him his meals.

I can't express how scared this makes me feel. I'm afraid not only for my mother's emotional and psychological security. That woman, who is the breadth of my existence. I fear that one day my father will be served his karma and the consequence will be unforgiveable. I fear for both of my parents.


I have since had dinner. I still want to hug my mother. I still want to change my dad, though he acts like nothing happened. And she, she smiles and acts more outspoken then ever to show that she is not afraid. But what if she implied that she was? That he hurts her with his words. Would that not be effective? Is anything effective when one has so much power? A revolution? Of what sort. Of what strategy?

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